I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
