I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I have already put on my inside pants.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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