Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
