if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He shit in the fireplace
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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