summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I think people are normalizing furries
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