Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
