i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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