I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
