Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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