My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i out mim tonsoeep
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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