I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
