my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
