Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Randomize