theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
