I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
