I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
