You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
