I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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