he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
