he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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