I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
