Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
