and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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