Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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