I'm going to jail i love you
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
There's even glitter on my cock...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
