My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
