I'm going to jail i love you
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
