1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
so much tequila, so little girl.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
