break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
