I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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