paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
they need to just BURY HIM!
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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