I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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