There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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