I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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