then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
