I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
