I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
