love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
