so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
