just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
