i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
