to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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