32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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