I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
