apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
