I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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