you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
