you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
