Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
