the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
