Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
