think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize