That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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