You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
