i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
