I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
