Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
