she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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