dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I have demons in me.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
