I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
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