before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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