cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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