roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize