new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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