If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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