so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
