My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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