i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
