You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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