I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
