I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
its liver damage thursday
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