I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize