I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
